Stars Without Makeup

This time FOX has gone too far. In a despicable display of libel and denigration called "Stars Without Makeup," they have smeared Martha for the last time. How dare they?! What's more, they had the audacity to put this trash on after The OC and it sickens me. By all means, smear Britney and her god awful skin or X-tina and her belly bulge, that's all fine and well, but when they start going after Grande Dames like Cher, Babs, and especially Martha, the gloves come off. I honestly don't know if The OC is enough to bring me back to that network. What's next, are they gonna go after the Grandest of All Dames, my beloved close personal friend, Joan Rivers? I honestly hope they do, that would just make the break-up that much easier.


(Jealousy is just one of the prices you pay, my love. Rest assured, they won't hold us down for long. Don't ever let them take that smile off your face.)

Happy Ash Wednesday!

So I didn't know you weren't supposed to say "Happy Ash Wednesday." Didn't realize it was a "solemn holiday." What can I say, I'm Buddhist, our leaders don't make up bullshit holidays to get people to go to the temple more often so they can give more money to a corrupt, child-anal-raping hierarchy. If you don't want me thinking its a festive holiday, you shouldn't be walking around with shit on your forehead.

Persona of the Period...

In keeping with the recent butt theme, this period's persona is not only an enigma, but a "necessary evil." While he strikes fear into the eyes of many, to me, he is perhaps the funniest, most self-aware, and most outrageous person in any given bar, he is: Black Guy at "White Bar" Who Hits Exclusively on White Broads with Big Asses

Black Guy: Ooooooh! Hey girl, that must be jelly 'cuz jam don't shake like that!
White Broad: Eww!
BG: (persistent) Come and talk to a brotha! Don't be scurrrred.
WB: *Scampers away, pulling "less endowed" friend*

Having witnessed this character in action on countless occasions, I must say, thank god this society has its own unique system of checks and balances. Not only has this broad been aware of her abnormally large derriere since it got that way, she has undoubtedly paid hundreds if not thousands of dollars for gym fees and denim to try to make it look smaller. And not only does nature not work that way, but it plays right into the wanton desires of the very person she would rather spit on than talk to. Comedic irony at its very finest. And while he's "not supposed to be there" mingling with our precious and sheltered American Princess (WASP, Jewish or otherwise), he's noticing her for what she absolutely hates about herself and not for the razzle dazzle she hides behind. This alone adds infinite insult to the already boundless emotional injury he has inflicted upon her. God bless America, and God Bless those beanpole dames in the magazines for manifesting this perfectly outfitted emotional time bomb. I wish I could put this guy in a bottle like a genie so I could summon him everytime I need a good laugh.