I Have Seen the Light

Black men, I have seen the light. Black asses, I'm sorry, excuse me for being so crass, ghetto booties are simply gifts from above. Sir Mix-A-Lot was never so right.

It all happened recently while I was shopping at J.Crew. While perusing, I found myself staring not at the wares, but at perhaps the most magnificently cultivated pair of ass cheeks ever to be concealed by hip-hugging trousers. So mesmerized were my baby browns that I failed to even notice the employee asking me if I needed any help.

I know what you're thinking, "but Bruce, how did you know? Was there a tingle in your loins?" No. "Did your heart flutter?" Sort of. "Did something just click in your brain?" All I can say is that this Nubian Queen had the most rotund yet comely posterior ever created and it rocked me to my very core. At first glimpse, I was spellbound, a sense of euphoria came over me in the way freebase cocaine gives you instantaneous extreme pleasure. To all the health teachers around America, you are wrong; crack/cocaine is not the most addicting substance to human beings. That honor goes to ghetto booties and consider me hooked. Call me a junkie if you want, I'm just chasing that first time high.